Author's note: Hey peeps! Ok…I'm seriously sorry to have to write this fanfic…but…it was
bound to happen…that's all I have to say.

Disclaimer: These characters do not, I repeat, do NOT belong to me! (I'd be really rich if
they did now wouldn't I?) I have nothing you want! Don't sue! PLEASE!

Chaotzu's Secret

Chaotzu paced back and forth nervously behind the closed doors. He suddenly ran at the
doors, jumping up and hitting them, in a feeble attempt to escape. A guard came around the
"Listen clown-boy, we paid good money for those doors, don't do that again." The guard
said in a gruff voice. Chaotzu looked up. He swallowed hard. Smiling innocently, he nodded.
"No problem Mr. Guard person!" he replied in his usual squeaky, cheerful voice. The guard
walked away shaking his head. Chaotzu looked surprised when the he heard the cheers and
boos of the crowd in front.
"If you just joined us today, our topic is; 'Little men, with big secrets.'" Jerry
Springer's voice entered Chaotzu's little mind. He swallowed and waited silently.
"Lets welcome, Chaotzu!" Jerry tried his best to pronounce the midget's name, but failed
miserably. Chaotzu took a deep breath and walked out. He smiled and waved to the cheering
crowd. Sitting down in a chair comfortably, Chaotzu looked to the other little midget men.
"Psst, hey, clown-boy." A small man, sitting next to Chaotzu and wearing some-what silver
futuristic cloths, whispered harshly. Chaotzu looked to him.
"What are you here for?" the man asked again. Chaotzu looked at him in shock and horror.
"A…a…confession…" Chaotzu muttered, "What are you here for?" He asked the little man.
"I had a 'special' relationship with Dr. Evil…I'm Mini Me…" the guy whispered back. Jerry
was tapping his foot impatiently.
"Chaotzu, it's a pleasure to have you with us today." Jerry greeted him kindly. Chaotzu
"Thanks Jerry." Chaotzu smiled innocently. His big clown-like eyes drove into Jerry's
guilty conscience.
"So…tell us a little bit about your problem." Jerry ordered his new guest around. Chaotzu
swallowed hard.
"Well…umm…I've been having this…relationship…with…a close friend…a really…close friend…"
Chaotzu said quietly. Jerry's eyes lit up.
"What kind of relationship would that be?" Jerry asked, eyeing Chaotzu carefully.
"Well…a…special relationship…I've grown close to my friend…and…I'm beginning to like him…
more…then a friend…" Chaotzu confessed slightly. The crowd 'ooo'ed and 'aah'ed. Jerry
"A special relationship huh?" Jerry tried to get more information out of the possible
clown. Chaotzu looked up.
"ALL RIGHT! I ADMIT IT! I'M GAY! I'M GAY AND I LOVE TIEN!" Chaotzu screamed. The crowd
went silent and crickets could be heard chirping in the background. Jerry was stunned.
"It's…beautiful…that you could admit to that…" he said softly. He turned to the crowd,
which immediately cheered and screamed in favor of the midget man.
Meanwhile, Bulma had decided to watch a little TV back at Capsule Corp. She smiled and
settled down to watch Jerry Springer. She read the topic off the screen: Little Men, with
Big Secrets. Bulma's jaw dropped when she saw Chaotzu come out on the set. She almost
screamed. Running to the phone. She called up Master Roshi and the Son family.
"I don't care what your doing I want you to get over here, NOW!" she screamed at Goku. She
hung up and ran back to the TV. She sat down and stared intently at the screen. Vegita
walked in the room, to find Bulma practically glued to the TV.
"What are you doing?" he asked, not even noticing that Goku and company had landed on the
front step. Bulma ran to the door and let them in.
She ushered everyone, including Vegita, to the TV. Sitting down, she turned up the volume.
They could clearly make out which was Chaotzu's whiny voice, and which was not.

"What kind of relationship would that be?"
"Well…a…special relationship…I've grown close to my friend…and…I'm beginning to like him…
more…then a friend…"

"Bulma…what is this?" Vegita broke the silence between the gang. Bulma turned around and
clamped a hand over his mouth.
"SHUTUP!" she screamed. Vegita did just that. He shrugged and watched the TV again. It was
Jerry's turn to speak.

"A special relationship huh?"

Bulma's eyes went wide and she turned back to face her friends. She opened her mouth to
speak, but no words came out. That was just the same way with everyone else, except Vegita.
They all had gaping mouths and wide eyes. Vegita raised a curious eyebrow.
"I always knew that little guy was weird…" he said quietly. Bulma turned to him, her mouth
still open.
Meanwhile, back at the studio, the show continued after a short commercial.
"Welcome back, and if you just joined us, our topic is 'Little Men, with Big Secrets'
We've just met Chaotzu, who claims he's gay and in love with Tien." Jerry said his little
skit, and turned to the crowd, who automatically cheered.
"Lets bring out Chaotzu's love magnet, Tien!" Jerry shouted with enthusiasm. The crowd
cheered. Chaotzu whirled around to see Tien come out of the back room, and take a seat by
him. Tien looked to Chaotzu with a look of confusion and fear.
"Chaotzu…how long…have you felt this way?" Tien asked, hesitating. Chaotzu looked down.
"For a long time now Tien…for a long time." Chaotzu answered solemnly, "Do you…feel the
same way?" He asked, worried.
"Of course not! I mean…we're fighting crime and…and your so short and…powerless…and lets
face it…you're a clown!" Tien cried out in anger and frustration.
"I am not! Look at you! You have three eyes!" Chaotzu shot back. Tien jumped. Chaotzu
suddenly stood up and tackled Tien. He raised his fist and started pounding him. The crowd
chanted 'Jerry' with such energy it was driving everyone mad. The body guards finally
pulled Chaotzu off of Tien.
Chaotzu struggled.
"And you said I was weak! TAKE THIS!" Chaotzu screamed as he squirmed his way out of the
guard's grip and tackled Tien again. He proceeded to beat him up. Finally getting Chaotzu
to settle down, Jerry talked in a soothing voice to both of them.
"Chaotzu…if you love Tien, why did you beat up on him?" Jerry asked, curiosity filled his
"He thought I was weak and powerless and…he doesn't respect me at all!" Chaotzu cried,
tears welling up in his big, clown-like eyes.
"Oh Chaotzu! That's not true! I do respect you! I respect you a lot!" Tien cried, sniffling
occasionally. Chaotzu looked up, tears running down his cheeks.
"Really?" Chaotzu smiled slightly.
"Of course Chaotzu!" Tien cried, patting his friend on the back. Chaotzu hugged Tien and
smiled, sniffling and holding back sobs. The crowd 'aww'ed. Tien smiled and held Chaotzu's
face in his hands. He leaned forward and kissed him. Chaotzu hugged Tien tighter and
kissed him back.
Jerry and the crowd stared with disgusted looks on their face. Tien stopped for breath,
but resumed kissing Chaotzu fiercely. Chaotzu kissed him with such energy and emotion it
upset the crowd.
"All right you two…take it somewhere else…" Jerry said, holding his hand up so he wouldn't
see the scene. And the new couple did just that, taking hands, they flew through the roof
and disappeared into the sky. Jerry looked after them, an unreadable look on his face.
"Go to a commercial…" he said in a disgusted tone.
Meanwhile, everyone was even more sickened and dumfounded back at Capsule Corp. People ran
to the bathroom to get the sickening feeling out of their stomach. They spent the rest of
the day feeling sick and trying to get the idea of Chaotzu and Tien together.
While everyone was feeling sick and nauseous, Tien and Chaotzu flew to their house. They
had awkward moments before, but now they knew they were loved and cared for, not like a
normal friend would, they were loved and cared for, by each other, a 'special' bond. They
had talked for a little while, and later planned for a 'special' night…

The End

Usual jabber: Ok…I'm sorry…I'm really sorry…but they were asking for it…if you feel the
need to puke now, go ahead, don't ask why I wrote this, or how I managed to type this with
my bare hands…I was probably drunk or something…oh well, its done and over with now…we're
all safe…